Lesson 23: Living in your parents’ shadows (pre-class)

Task 1. Look at the title of the article. What do you think it’s going to be about? What kind of information do you expect to read, e.g. pieces of advice, pros and cons, etc.?
Read the article and check your ideas. Then note down the answers to the following questions.

1. What kind of people can live in their parents' shadows?
2. How does it affect them?

The kids who live in their parents’ shadows
It’s often the offspring of the uber-famous who come to mind when people think about what it means to live in a parent’s shadow. For instance, Colin Hanks, the actor son of Tom Hanks, complained that he struggled to be his own person. But beyond those in the bright lights, there’s a whole world of children, whose non-famous parents also cast long shadows over their lives.

When Ryan decided to study teaching, he knew his father would be upset. The 25-year-old special-education administrator wanted to make a difference in the lives of children. His father, an immigrant and accomplished doctor thought he should study medicine. For a long time, Ryan assumed he would follow in his father’s footsteps. But when he started studying science in college, he realized medicine wasn’t a fit. Breaking the news to his father was stressful. “My dad was really disappointed,” says Ryan.

Therapists explain there’s a wide spectrum of ways children might grow up feeling overshadowed by their parents. Some of these kids feel like an extension of their carers, rather than separate individuals. As a result, many can struggle to find self-authority and carve out their own path. In some cases, parents with strong and complex personalities can threaten the organic emergence of their child’s own disposition. Outgoing or spontaneous people might unconsciously make their kids feel like they need to emulate a specific character trait. In addition, kids who grow up in their parents' shadows may face a wide range of challenges in adulthood. For example, they might gravitate towards perfectionism, anxiety and high achievement to overcome a kind of looming dissatisfaction in their lives.

However, growing up with parents who loom large can also be beneficial. Having the ability to learn from a successful parent is helpful for anyone and watching parents experience career wins helps some kids develop self-confidence. And, of course, for centuries, children born to successful parents have been bolstered by them – in some cases inheriting their empires, and in others, gaining industry connections. That’s as true today as it ever was. For other adult children, discovering aspects of a parent’s life that seem undesirable can also be helpful in defining their own values. Some, after watching their parents in the limelight, have chosen to be very private people.

Task 2. Go through the article and find the phrases on the left. Then match them to their definitions on the right.

1. to live in someone's shadow

a. to have a great, long-lasting, usually bad influence over someone

2. to be your own person

b. to feel as if nobody notices you, and you are never good enough

c. to make someone seem less prominent or important

3. to cast shadows over someone's life

4. to follow in someone's footsteps

d. to be true to your own interests and beliefs; think independently

e. to do as another person did before

5. to overshadow someone

f. inherent qualities of mind and character

6. to carve out your own path

g. to develop or create something for yourself

7. someone's disposition

h. to have great importance or influence

8. to emulate something or someone

i. to be attracted to or move toward something

9. to gravitate towards something

j. to copy someone's behavior or try to be like someone else

10. to loom large

Task 3. Now think about how to summarize and report this information in the article using reporting verbs.
Example: The author suggests that we should …